Melancolia de mi Vida

Santiago drinks in excess to numb himself, to forget the pain. Sometimes, while in a drunken stupor memories of his childhood abuse sober him up. He has long forgiven his mother, although the pain lingers. Disdain and lack of compassion were his reality. Santiago felt his mother hated him more than she could ever love him, and punishing him is how she felt alive. She was enamored with being the center of attention. She would conspire against family members and fabricate tales. As the family matriarch, she was revered. Her influence was such that everyone took her word as gospel. Any family member she could not control, she would influence others to turn against them and a witch hunt would ensue. Habitually, she manufactured faults within her daughters-in-law. Genova was in constant competition with wives, mistresses, and girlfriends. There was solely one mistress who she never dared utter a word. Raisa was a drug queen pin and everyone knew she was just as ruthless as she was cool. Raisa was the lover of Genova’s playboy son, Rafa. Rafa had a wife, four young sons, and a string of women, one prettier than the next. Raisa never bothered Rafa’s wife, she respected her, everyone else was fair game. Raisa would have Rafa followed, show up unannounced and find him in compromised situations. She would smack him and call him a come mielda. Rafa feared her, he was keenly aware Raisa carried a gun at all times.

Collateral damage of the immigrant

Fara’s parents informed her, she was solely going to Haiti for summer vacation. Fast forward two months and Fara is being fitted for school uniforms, that is how Fara realized she was not returning to Brooklyn. This event forever changed Fara’s outlook on life. While in Haiti, Fara resided with an auntie who treated her well. Fara never wanted for material things, rather she grappled with feelings of abandonment which were elusive to articulate, as a seven-year-old. Friendships in her life tended to be seasonal. She never allowed anyone to become too close for fear of things ending. The slightest infraction in a friendship or relationship is grounds for ending the alliance. Fara is hypervigilant about protecting herself. During winter and summer breaks Fara returned to Brooklyn and was reunited with her family. Fara’s older siblings lost themselves with the wrong crowd. As a consequence, Fara’s parents reasoned sending her to Haiti would allow her to be raised in a different environment, as well as foster a fresh mindset, and it worked. Between the ages of seven and thirteen Fara resided in Haiti. Once her parents decided to bring Fara back to Brooklyn permanently, irreparable damage had ensued. Fara was riddled with resentment toward her mother. It took years for her mother to grasp the gravity of Fara’s feelings of being disenfranchised.